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Written on Friday, November 14, 2008 @ 5:47 AM
Song of the time: Hot N Cold/If I were a boy/No Substitute Love
Time check: 4:51 am
Damn, I can't sleep. Well, weird thing was, I don't even know if I was sleeping or not. Awkward babe. I 'woke' up from my sleep when sister was back from her toilet trip. & I found tears in my eyes. I wake up easily these few days & the most irritating part is, I always wake up around 4 am! Grr. Then, I'll get sleepy around 6 am & decide to sleep again. Tsk. & I will find myself waking up late. Pathetic.
Early this night, around 12 am or so, my ex called up. Well, he always have a reason when he call me, especially after months of not calling. So, I suspected he just broke up with his girlfriend ( I know who but I think I won't reveal their names ). Here's how it goes.
Him: Hello
Me: Hello
.. chatted nonsense & I sang because I was super bored. I'll skip the not important parts, aye?
Few moments later, before we hung up the phone. He said..
Him: You, (girlfriend's name) give up on me.
Me: Oh, why?
Him: Idk why, but I count it as a break up.
& my mind was like, BINGO! It's always like that. After month(s) of dumping. Tsk.
Me: Oh ok.
Him: You got any girl friends?
Me: No, I think all of them is unavailable. They're not interested.
Him: Just give me their number, I'll handle from there.
Me: Sorry, they ain't interested. Especially with guys by the name (his name).
Him: Nevermind. I'll tell them my name is Bobo.
I was thinking.. it's not funny, okay! -.-
Me: Oh, did I forget to tell you? They're not interested by the name Bobo, too. Aww.
Him: Ya right. -.-
Me: Really. Hmm.. I thought you've got tons of girls ready by your side? 1 girl go, 10 girls come. & I thought you got 3-4 girls interested in you?
Him: I don't wanna go for girls who lives in Bedok. I prefer girls living in Pasir Ris or Tampines.
Me: Oh, too bad then. Most of them live in Bedok & Pasir Ris, mind you, Atiqa won't be interested in you.
Him: Who said about Atiqa?
Me: You said girls living in Pasir Ris -.-
Him: Tampines?
Me: They're all attached, sorry.
Him: All of them living in Tampines attached?
Me: Uhhuh.
Him: Then you?
& my mind goes. BOOM! I know you'd ask that.
Me: I'm single. *Proud*
Him: Oh, can uh.
Me: You think funny uh?
Him: Whats so funny?
Me: *silence* Eh, I thought your cousin wants to use the phone?
Him: Yaaa.
Me: Give him use the phone laaa. Bye.
Him: Kay bye.
Me: Kay *almost hung up when..*
Him: Oi!
Me: What!?
Him: Don't change the subject.
Me: Whose changing? Your cousin wants to use the phone. Let him.
Him: I was asking, then you?
Me: *silence* Urm, u eh. U is an alphabet.
Then he said he don't like girls like me. & I was like, okay fine. I couldn't care less & we hung up. Most of it was spoken in Malay. & I added abit of words in my sentences. Geeee.
Hey ex, after all these days or month(s) you left me. You think I don't feel angry about that? You think I am just gonna forget just like that? You don't know how crazy I went when you chose her! Do you? After all those pathetic counsellings from sister, do you know how much I lost? I would have gone for other guys. But thank you, for making me feel they're all the same.
I was always the one who gave in when we fought. Always me. Never you. Yeah, my fault entirely. You know how stupid I felt to be fooled/cheated repeatedly for almost a year!? I'll arrange in point forms & you, you see how true it is.
- Break up with me.
- Find other girls.
- Found other girls.
- Start to love them.
- Start to 'love' me back.
- Broke up with them.
- Patched up with me.
- Start to love them back.
For god's sake, it have been going on repeatedly & I can't let myself be cheated! It's like, am I your substitute lover or what!? Oh, a song titled No Substitute Love would be great to convey my message to you.
& guess what? A mixture of Hot N Cold & If I were a boy would suit you perfectly! You never cared about my feelings. You know how stupid I felt to be called a fool? Why? Because I kept on trusting you even after what you ever did to me. Do you know how effed up I was to know that you actually accused me of breaking you bloody heart when you did almost the same thing to me a few times? I have always loved you better than the rest. I used to be proud to have a boyfriend like you. But never did I realise I was fooled. Why? Because in my bloody eyes, you were always the good guy. The one who love me for who I am, not what I am. & then, I started to wonder, is it even true?
I always wanted you to be happy. Not that I am afraid I would break the girl's heart ( the girl your choosing ). I know you love her, you don't need to pretend you love me. You don't need to act confuse. Lambat laun, u pilih dher jgak kan? My decisions to choose who would be your lover/companion/soulmate don't count. You make yours.
Do you know the feeling when a girl or guy who made an impact in your life left you? Left you just like that. Like a girl who loves her doll but when she found something nicer, she just threw it away? I felt that way.
History may repeat. & I don't want myself to get hurt anymore. Or even break your heart. But I'll just let you know, we can never be more than friends after what happened. Prove to me you're never the same like you used to be. Prove to me your not the type of guys who chase girls, then break their heart. & the way I acted earlier, I was acting up so you would hang up the phone & then let me cry my eyes out. I am sorry if you ever think I was breaking your heart. But you never realised that I had to suffer so much, just by losing you.Labels: love; illa syakilah
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Written on Friday, November 14, 2008 @ 5:47 AM
Song of the time: Hot N Cold/If I were a boy/No Substitute Love
Time check: 4:51 am
Damn, I can't sleep. Well, weird thing was, I don't even know if I was sleeping or not. Awkward babe. I 'woke' up from my sleep when sister was back from her toilet trip. & I found tears in my eyes. I wake up easily these few days & the most irritating part is, I always wake up around 4 am! Grr. Then, I'll get sleepy around 6 am & decide to sleep again. Tsk. & I will find myself waking up late. Pathetic.
Early this night, around 12 am or so, my ex called up. Well, he always have a reason when he call me, especially after months of not calling. So, I suspected he just broke up with his girlfriend ( I know who but I think I won't reveal their names ). Here's how it goes.
Him: Hello
Me: Hello
.. chatted nonsense & I sang because I was super bored. I'll skip the not important parts, aye?
Few moments later, before we hung up the phone. He said..
Him: You, (girlfriend's name) give up on me.
Me: Oh, why?
Him: Idk why, but I count it as a break up.
& my mind was like, BINGO! It's always like that. After month(s) of dumping. Tsk.
Me: Oh ok.
Him: You got any girl friends?
Me: No, I think all of them is unavailable. They're not interested.
Him: Just give me their number, I'll handle from there.
Me: Sorry, they ain't interested. Especially with guys by the name (his name).
Him: Nevermind. I'll tell them my name is Bobo.
I was thinking.. it's not funny, okay! -.-
Me: Oh, did I forget to tell you? They're not interested by the name Bobo, too. Aww.
Him: Ya right. -.-
Me: Really. Hmm.. I thought you've got tons of girls ready by your side? 1 girl go, 10 girls come. & I thought you got 3-4 girls interested in you?
Him: I don't wanna go for girls who lives in Bedok. I prefer girls living in Pasir Ris or Tampines.
Me: Oh, too bad then. Most of them live in Bedok & Pasir Ris, mind you, Atiqa won't be interested in you.
Him: Who said about Atiqa?
Me: You said girls living in Pasir Ris -.-
Him: Tampines?
Me: They're all attached, sorry.
Him: All of them living in Tampines attached?
Me: Uhhuh.
Him: Then you?
& my mind goes. BOOM! I know you'd ask that.
Me: I'm single. *Proud*
Him: Oh, can uh.
Me: You think funny uh?
Him: Whats so funny?
Me: *silence* Eh, I thought your cousin wants to use the phone?
Him: Yaaa.
Me: Give him use the phone laaa. Bye.
Him: Kay bye.
Me: Kay *almost hung up when..*
Him: Oi!
Me: What!?
Him: Don't change the subject.
Me: Whose changing? Your cousin wants to use the phone. Let him.
Him: I was asking, then you?
Me: *silence* Urm, u eh. U is an alphabet.
Then he said he don't like girls like me. & I was like, okay fine. I couldn't care less & we hung up. Most of it was spoken in Malay. & I added abit of words in my sentences. Geeee.
Hey ex, after all these days or month(s) you left me. You think I don't feel angry about that? You think I am just gonna forget just like that? You don't know how crazy I went when you chose her! Do you? After all those pathetic counsellings from sister, do you know how much I lost? I would have gone for other guys. But thank you, for making me feel they're all the same.
I was always the one who gave in when we fought. Always me. Never you. Yeah, my fault entirely. You know how stupid I felt to be fooled/cheated repeatedly for almost a year!? I'll arrange in point forms & you, you see how true it is.
- Break up with me.
- Find other girls.
- Found other girls.
- Start to love them.
- Start to 'love' me back.
- Broke up with them.
- Patched up with me.
- Start to love them back.
For god's sake, it have been going on repeatedly & I can't let myself be cheated! It's like, am I your substitute lover or what!? Oh, a song titled No Substitute Love would be great to convey my message to you.
& guess what? A mixture of Hot N Cold & If I were a boy would suit you perfectly! You never cared about my feelings. You know how stupid I felt to be called a fool? Why? Because I kept on trusting you even after what you ever did to me. Do you know how effed up I was to know that you actually accused me of breaking you bloody heart when you did almost the same thing to me a few times? I have always loved you better than the rest. I used to be proud to have a boyfriend like you. But never did I realise I was fooled. Why? Because in my bloody eyes, you were always the good guy. The one who love me for who I am, not what I am. & then, I started to wonder, is it even true?
I always wanted you to be happy. Not that I am afraid I would break the girl's heart ( the girl your choosing ). I know you love her, you don't need to pretend you love me. You don't need to act confuse. Lambat laun, u pilih dher jgak kan? My decisions to choose who would be your lover/companion/soulmate don't count. You make yours.
Do you know the feeling when a girl or guy who made an impact in your life left you? Left you just like that. Like a girl who loves her doll but when she found something nicer, she just threw it away? I felt that way.
History may repeat. & I don't want myself to get hurt anymore. Or even break your heart. But I'll just let you know, we can never be more than friends after what happened. Prove to me you're never the same like you used to be. Prove to me your not the type of guys who chase girls, then break their heart. & the way I acted earlier, I was acting up so you would hang up the phone & then let me cry my eyes out. I am sorry if you ever think I was breaking your heart. But you never realised that I had to suffer so much, just by losing you.Labels: love; illa syakilah
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In random order.
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Hello human beings. My name is Illa Syakilah and I am not a terrorist.
Hehe. I can't seem to get over that quote since I watched the movie "My name is Khan."
I am coming sixteen this July 25 and I'm seriously not excited.
I'll be sitting for my GCE N Levels this year, and hopefully (very little chance, though) I'll qualify for Sec 5.
Maybe for now, you'll have fun teasing me but keep in mind that everyone has limits. And don't ever think of going over mine.
I am single and I don't wish to be unavailable because I believe that love comes naturally when it's the right time.
Honestly, since the last time I ever got into a relationship, I realised that I'm kinda lethargic when it comes to love but whatever.
The right one will fall not only for my perfection but also my flaws, right? Yeah :D
My interest lies in Performing Arts. I have been dancing for close to 10 years and damn it, I want to learn more!
When I'm feeling down or high, this is basically what I'd do. Just that when I'm down, I don't do it in public.
I dance for Purbanira Seni (my school Malay Dance troupe) and Sri Warisan Som Said Performing Arts Ltd.
I'm not a professional YET. But one day, I'll be an awesome one. Yes ah! I have yet to cover contemporary and such. Heh.
I get dance routines from boredom or imagination. I'd literally think of steps in my head and when I'm done, I'd work it out with my body.
Sometimes, I'd dance randomly and I'll get steps. Basically, I love everything that has got to do with Performing Arts.
I miss Indian dancing when I was in Kindergarten. Oh, that makes it 11 years of dancing! Hehe.
I'm not shy to say that my favorite place that has ever existed is.. my bed. I'm not the only one right?
I love to hang out but this year, I kinda find it hard to even make time for my friends! I love Glee. It's so cool.
My favorite boyfriend is Percy Jackson AKA Logan Lerman. Yes! I love him. Haha. Justin Bieber, his voice makes me melt.
Megan Fox, Beyonce, Kara Dioguardi, Kelly Clarkson, Nicole Scherzinger, Jojo, Selena Gomez, Katy Perry, Jessica Alba & more. These are the people who never fail to make me love them.
Thank you for bothering to read, if you actually did, that is.
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