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Please don't leave us
Written on Friday, March 27, 2009 @ 9:54 PM
For a moment, I just stared at her. I got panicked. Tears rushed down my cheeks as I watched her bleeding profusely. I don't want her to go. I loved her so much. I felt so guilty because I was the only one who witnessed everything.She fell & hit her head hard on the wall. As her skull wasn't hard & strong enough, it started bleeding. She cried in pain. I was still busy using the computer. I thought she was talking to herself like she always did. But when I turned to check on her, her head was already covered in blood. I quickly told A'isyah to call ibu & nenek to come in the room. Then, I felt more guilty when they started to cry. Her head couldn't stop bleeding. It was scary. I then imagined. What if I didn't even turn back & assume that she was talking to herself like usual & thinks everything is fine? She would have fainted, which would be more worse or maybe died. I really felt so wrong. If I had told them earlier, it wouldn't be this bad. Right? I quickly set up the wheelchair while ibu used a towel to put pressure on the bleeding wound and ayah carried her to the wheelchair. Inside the car, ibu was already cursing other drivers to move faster. She cried even more each time my great granny told her how painful it was. Then, I cried - again. I felt so bad. I hugged her tightly & said, "Nyang, be strong. You are a strong lady. You know that." In malay. Once we reached Changi General Hospital, I quickly got off the car & shouted for a nurse. Fortunately, the Ambulance was there. They helped great granny into the hospital. You couldn't imagine how bad it was. Everyone was crying. Except for ayah. Now, I'm in my school uniform, at home. Waiting for my granddad & grandma to finish eating. Well, I guess I have to go & change into home clothes now. I hope everything goes fine. Please don't go, Nyang. I love you so much. Labels: rush  Hot Tea, I Need Hot Tea
Written on Thursday, March 26, 2009 @ 2:10 PM
Fuck lah. See, how can I not get so stressed & fed-up about my cca?! She's being a bitch. Super bitch. Whatssup with all that man? Why must she think as if she's so perfect and nobody can win her!? Nobody's perfect laah. Muthafucker. You expect me to not get angry & be patient when she's continuosly being a bitch towards me!? Why don't you just dance alone on stage. Since your so good. Fuck you lah, asshole. Fuck you. You befriend with people who have looks. Well, look at yourself in the mirror, ur just as retarded as the retards. Fucker. If killing wasn't a crime or better, if it wasn't a sin, I wouldn't hesitate to kill you man.You have been getting onto my nerves since I was Primary 1. I'm warning you, don't get onto mylast nerves. I'd be bitchier than a bitch. Wilder than an animal. Oh, this means WAR. Labels: bitching FUCK YOU - LILY ALLEN
Written on Wednesday, March 25, 2009 @ 7:12 PM
let's just say, today sucked. big time. really, no joke. especially the malay dance part.i think what the seniors are doing now is making us feel more hopeless about the upcoming big event. it's not giving us any motivation to do better. seriously man. that's what i think. and despite the situation, they even got the time to practice favoritism. and what's worse!? we had to go through all the pain while the seniors just look at us and shout, shout and more shout. so what if u guys are seniors? that doesn't mean anything! and that includes being perfect. like hello, even my mom don't shout at me like how you bitches shout at us. thankfully, ms wani came. then, the shouting lessen. everything was more calmed. damn. i feel like a prisoner man. ok no. more like a slave. and despite all these, i don't know why the hell i am still in this cca. what a fool. let's compare me to the others who dropped malay dance as their cca. they got scolded only once and they cannot take it. what about me? i got scolded more than once and even got punishments. and i'm still coming for practices. and u bitches say that im a lazy dancer? well, if i am.. i won't be coming for practices anymore. but still, i loved you all more than anything else in the school. what does that show? that i am lazy & being forced to come for every practice? really man. forget it. no point giving u guys my opinion when u won't even try to change a little of that egoness in all of you. i have tried soo hard to do my best but you guys just can't see it. maybe i don't dance like how you people dance. everyone's different right? the slower ones, they need longer time to learn and correct their steps. even though you guys can learn faster, that does not mean we can. and guys, don't ask the juniors what they think of all of you, because even if they point out ur bad points, i don't think u guys will change. instead u guys will anti them. seriously. u guys will go, "what's their problem man? tk suke bley bbl pe. tk perlu nk kerek." when u guys are the one whose being the kerek here. that's it. i won't let my day be ruined by this. tea saved my day. when i drank that hot tea, i suddenly felt so calm man. not being so dramatic. but i really felt more calm. really! why would i lie?! ok, illa. u are so laaaaammmmeee! -.- kay, let's talk about other stuffs. give me a moment or two to think of a topic. oh yeah baybeh! we will be going to Singapore Polytechnic (if i am not mistaken) for one week, to study. kay no, i think its something do with our elective modules. & i chose designing. i guess. haha. oh yes, happy birthday rafidah! see, how kind can i be. even though people said ur following my style, i still wished u happy birthday. nice newly rebonded hair, raf. (honestly, that's too much, even though its something common, i hear from people u rebonded because i rebonded, u let down ur hair because i let down mine, u tie ur hair up high because i did that. & come to think of it, they've got a point. because i remember u saying that my style, is minah style & u don't wanna be one. pfft.) relax babe! think positive, ur now a 'role model'. at least there's someone you know who is following ur style. wasehhhh. macam paham uh illa. i swear i find fiq jai irritating. hahahahah! he and his pakcik-ness. what to doo ^^ and i almost forgot! i got a surprise menses today! i was sitting & standing & sitting & standing. then, akhbar shouted, "illaa! omg, ade drh. pekat sia color!" hahahah! how cute. but before that, i actually felt wet below and i felt like as if i was urining continuosly. but i didn't thought of having menses because there ws no pain at all! & it was super heavy because i change pad three times in school. 0.0 but whatever it is, thanks akhbar for telling me. & thank abby, for that hoodie to cover my stained skirt. (: omg, i really love my class. i really really love my class! haha. err.. what!? i love them hell lots man. Labels: hoohoo Letters after letters
Written on Tuesday, March 24, 2009 @ 9:34 AM
Okay, I'm sorry I didn't post my 'later' the other day.Let's share feelings now. I am trying very hard, very, very hard to gather all my guts and tell him the truth. So I think that I should do it now (: ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Things have change now. I don't feel it anymore. It's not only about you or me. It's about us. It's not what it is used to be. You say you love me, then go around telling others you don't. Then when I meet you, its like you didn't tell them anything. Even they are confused. You don't know how it makes me look. Or feel. Your twisting our story behind my back & that's not okay. Really. All these while, I forced myself to not think so negatively about you. But hey, look at what just happened. I was fucking loyal & I thought you were too. I closed one eye when I found out what happened between you & Lia. I fucking trusted you more than I trusted her. When I found out you were actually at fault, I still forced myself to be patient. That shows how much I love you. Recently, I asked you about how you feel. Remember what you said? All those words, they are just empty words. I thought you were the one. The one whose different from the others. But you proved me wrong. Thanks for pretending. Pretending that you cared for me. Thanks for showering me with lovely words. Too bad they're just words that makes someone feel good just for a short period. So, let me officially end everything right here. Goodbye. With love, Illa Syakilah ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dearest Hakeem, I received the message you sent the other day. Good that you realised I have been trying to avoid you & I will still be avoiding you. What you sent was really sweet. But guess what, baby? You missed the chance. For a guy like you, you don't deserve to be given anymore chances. Why? Because the same thing will happen again & again. I'm really tired of it. Even if you try making it more convincing, I don't think I can give you the chance. Lets see, how many times did we break up and patched up again? Countless of times! And it's always the same reason. In our relationship, its always my fault. Never yours. I was then stupid to still believe that we can pull through. It's always another girl that is better than me when I am with you. Always. You kissed another girl behind my back. What the fucking hell were our tryna do?! Why didn't you just leave me alone & never come back into my life again?! Oh, I forgot. You said you were still immature. Dearest, I am 14 going on 15. Now let me ask you, are you tryna say that I was mature then? Fuck you! I know you too well man. Too well. These are all stupid reasons. You even accused me. You said I played with your heart. First with Aidil. Then, Syazwan. What the hell? You hanged out with tons of girls & I kept quiet. Even when I didn't, I don't think you'd accept the fact that you were playing with my heart behing my back. Why!? Because you're always the right one. Damn it man. You think imma flirt? Like you? Please, I dont go for my ex's bestfriend for god's sake! I am not desperate. You ask Aidil now, have I ever in my life, be his girlfriend before. Ask him. You said I played with your heart and I didn't tell you I was in a relationship with Syazwan when I am contacting you again. For you information, it was after I contacted you when I got into a relationship with him. That's not called playing with your heart. Because I remember saying, "Make your decisions wisely, just go for Liyana." You were the one whose playing with a girl's heart! You were with Liyana when you contacted me. Then, its always my name which came out of your mouth when you broke up with them. Don't you think that they will hate me? For stealing you, when I'm not. Forget it. I am too lazy to list out your every bad deeds. But I really learn a lot from our relationship. Yours truly, Illa Syakilah ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Dear Hafiz, I am sorry I didn't come to your pit. But that's not the reason why I am writing this. Lately, you have been controlling me too much. And let me tell you one thing, I hate guys who control me too much. Every second, you messaged me. Its too obvious that you are trying to get me. Despite my status(attached). I thought I told you we can only be friends. No more, no less. There are limits. You know that. I was surprisingly stunned to receive a message from you saying, "When are we gonna meet again? I really missed you. Everyday, I feel that I love you more & more. I miss you too much, meet up soon." What the hell were you tryna do man? If your tryna deny that you said that, for your information, it's still in my inbox. I really don't think that I wanna be with you. I am sorry. Truth is bitter but you don't wanna be happy living in a lie, right? And to find out that I was fooling you and then, you'd be more hurt. There's nothing special about us. Really. I don't feel it. Maybe, I'm not the one. But don't give up, aye. Don't be emo. That sucks. Dude, theres others chicks out there waiting for you. I know you know that. You just have to move on to meet these chicks. I know I told you that more than once, but it's just to lift up your semangat. Keep smiling. Yours truly, Illa Syakilah ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- That's it. I'm done confessing. Honestly, I am so relieved right now. I really don't wanna get into any relationships right now. Being single, is always the best. Heh. Love ya, peeps. (: (p/s. i'm not in school. i am going to the doctor soon. nyeahaha [=<) Labels: boysboysboys. Hah
Written on Tuesday, March 17, 2009 @ 6:43 PM
Fun to be with. Secretive. Difficult to fathom and to be understood.Quiet unless excited or tensed. Takes pride in oneself. Has reputation. Easily consoled. Honest. Concerned about people's feelings. Tactful. Friendly. Approachable. Emotional temperamental and unpredictable. Moody and easily hurt. Witty and sparkly. Not revengeful. Forgiving but never forgets.Dislikes nonsensical and unnecessary things. Guides others physically and mentally. Sensitive and forms impressions carefully. Caring and loving. Treats others equally. Strong sense of sympathy. Wary and sharp. Judges people through observations. Hardworking. No difficulties in studying.Accurate? Almost true, more like. Hahah! Okayokay. My tagboard's officially dead. I miss Baby B. I hope he misses me too. Haha? So, people.. guess what time I slept? six in the morning! you guys must be wondering, what the hell did i do all night.. hmm.. lets see. texting my mr bestfriend, disturb mr flirty, talk about mr night guy with mr bestfriend, talk with sister, texting my mr bestfriend & texting my mr bestfriend. hahahah! haha. all the way, mr bestfriend was the one who entertained me till i fell asleep. thanks, akhbar! hahahah. so we texted each other, all the way.. non-stop. there was this part when both of us planned to disturb fadhli. haha, not so fun. but nevermind. akhbar told fadhli that hifzhan was under his bed while i told fadhli that stephanie wanted to eat me. hahaha! nonsense. and there was also this part where i almost cried when akhbar told me something. awww.. its okay bestie. hah! soo.. checked facebook. after a long time not checking it. 63 notifications. wow, i know. kay so.. i swear, he loves his hair alot. hahaxx..yahh i d0o :) hahaha! told yaaa (: imagine his hair ade toncet ^^ hahaxx..dahh blh imagine dahh.. :) nak imagine lagi? ^^ haha. hahaxx..errm nahh itz okiie :) i like my hair dis way :) hahas. oh really? but i like ur hair better with a toncet ^^ tooo baaad ;D hahaxx..but only you who saw it :) heez :) ..s0o t0o bad.. kalau nak mengorat pon buat la in private i can read this you know lol hahaxx..nahh itz okiie i dun mine :) come join uz :) I MIND! HAHAHAHA heez..okiie dokiiee..nahh itz okiie :) hahaxx. hahaha! says who? amee pon nmpk ur toncet okay! too bad. shahari, kite tk mengurat laaa. thats why we bbl in public (: Omega Soft Boiled Egg. hahahahh! & matiin couldnt stop disturbing me because he knows that it instantly reminded me of Baby B. Hahaha. k, i think i wanna eat. I'll post again later (: goodbye. Labels: another memories Short and Sweet Post Much? Haha.
Written on Wednesday, March 11, 2009 @ 5:37 PM
Let's make it a short and sweet post (:It's been decades since I last post. Haha. I am really sorry for making you people read an almost dead blog. I swear, I couldn't remember anything that happened for the last few days or weeks. Let me just try to flashback everything ehh.. Give me a minute. March 2, 3, 6, 7, 8. People's birthday. March 2nd was Grandad's & Shahrezal's. 3rd was Noura's. 6th was Mdm Noreen's, 7th was Aciq's & 8th was Bibik's & Fiq Jai's. Amee said Aciq invited me to his chalet on the 7th of March. Unfortunately, I just couldn't make it. But I rushed to his chalet for a short while on the 8th of March. Appreciate that. Heh. I saw Aidil, Faris, Zaki, Rashid, Barber, Blade, Hakeem, Baby B, Abg Wan and more (: I was surprisingly shocked to see Abg Wan there. I missed him. Baby B was talking to Aidil. So, when Aciq came with Abg Wan I quickly screamed his name and he shook my hand wildly & we just hugged abit. Then, chatted awhile and I had to go off already. Aww.. saad. Aidil was being a bitch, like always. I was talking to Baby B when he said, "Tkmo layan ni girl Hotel 81" or "Don't talk to this Hotel 81 girl" Fuck you, Aidil! Haha. He's a Hotel 81 bitchy boy. Seriously. Haha. Disturbed Hakeem when he was eating. Haha. Poked Rashid when he teased me. Laughed with Barber. I'll give you a scene.. Rashid: Jom mandi. *Turns to me* Jom Illa kite mandi. Illa: Haha. Ee, tknk. Hakeem: Habes Illa, dher dah ajak kau mandi. Illa: *make funny faces* Hakeem: Oh tkla, Illa nak mandi nan Arep(Baby B). Illa: Uh ye laaa. Amee: Arep kepe.. Haha! And beside Aciq's chalet was CUNEKMEK'S! Haha. Rashid uh, kpo2 blg. But I didn't say HI because I didn't see them. So, I started to feel fooled. But Baby B said it was true. Heh. So I believed. Afterall, he's the only one who knows all the Satu Famili-ans there besides me. Duh? He would be stupid to not know them. Haha. Then, yesterday.. followed sister to her friend's pit. Damn bored I tell you. Sister thanked me & Shahrezal for being there with her. I thanked her & Shahrezal because without them, I wouldn't have survived. And Shahrezal smacked me real hard for the first time. Mentang2lah Illa adik Kakak.. saje2 je? Haha. Oh and on the same day, 3 people said I love you to me. But I only kept one. DUH! & I scribbled BABY BACHEYN, ILL[A]___ LOVES FLIPILLA. And its super big. (: Same goes to sister & her boyf (: (p/s. i didn't come to school for 3 days. 1st day.. accompanied sister. 2nd day.. sent home by teacher because i was sick hten went to doctor & got 1 day MC & 3rd day, which is today.) Labels: aku love korang |
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My interest lies in Performing Arts. I have been dancing for close to 10 years and damn it, I want to learn more!
When I'm feeling down or high, this is basically what I'd do. Just that when I'm down, I don't do it in public.
I dance for Purbanira Seni (my school Malay Dance troupe) and Sri Warisan Som Said Performing Arts Ltd.
I'm not a professional YET. But one day, I'll be an awesome one. Yes ah! I have yet to cover contemporary and such. Heh.
I get dance routines from boredom or imagination. I'd literally think of steps in my head and when I'm done, I'd work it out with my body.
Sometimes, I'd dance randomly and I'll get steps. Basically, I love everything that has got to do with Performing Arts.
I miss Indian dancing when I was in Kindergarten. Oh, that makes it 11 years of dancing! Hehe.
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