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Written on Wednesday, March 31, 2010 @ 3:45 AM
I have yet to..1) Sleep 2) Finish my conclusion and comments for changes in food 3) English (too lazy) 4) Charge my phone
I am so so exhausted. Granny was admitted to the hospital due to stroke. I hope she's getting better now, with all the extra love and attention. I love her. Every now and then, my family will come and pay her a visit. So yeah, no more slacking after school. Oklah, maybe for a short while. Hee. [;
What is up with me!? I am losing my focus in my one & only easiest subject to score which is my Food & Nutrition. God! I think I know why. The two annoying teachers simply could not stop picking on me despite me doing my work and minding my own business. Well, they can't be in denial because it's true. Right Shaffy? Right Atiqa? They realised it. But the teachers never realised that I have been putting up with all those shits. And one more thing, put yourself in my shoes. Nenek kau masuk hospital, tipu uh kau tknk visit dher hari2! You ask me to not be rude but you never think of my feelings. What the fk?
I am starting to like Maths. Ergh, whatever. That's because I've been paying attention in class and I get to answer all questions correctly. Let's just wait for the moment when suddenly Ms Tay absent herself and then I become lazy or I don't understand a single thing she said.
You guys must be wondering, why the hell is she complaining about her incomplete tasks but still have the cheeks to update her blog? Firstly, it's been a while since I last updated my blog. Secondly, I totally give up on my research. At least I did 98% of it!
Last Monday, spent the night with Fadhli, Marissa and Atiqa. Haha. It was fun! We confessed many many things and one of it was about the class. I love my class man! Like, seriously. Despite our craps, I love them. And guys, you all can't blame Abby and clans for disturbing the class. Sometimes, you guys disrupt the lessons too. And don't you realise? Without them, the class wouldn't be as united as we are now. And without hem, the lessons won't be as lively.
I'm still in love with the same guy. Is that good or bad? When are you gonna come back and hold my hand like you used too, asshole!? When are you gonna love me like last time? When? The day I die right in front of you? Tell me, when? ):
And it's not easy moving on without you. It's fucking not easy. Especially when we see each other like almost everyday and suddenly I get so worried when I don't see you. Let me be desperate at least for now, I WANT YOU!
Okay, I'm done being desperate.
Nights.
Written on Sunday, March 28, 2010 @ 2:28 AM
HAHAHA. THIS IS GETTING FUNNIER.Let's just hope it won't come true.
Written on Wednesday, March 24, 2010 @ 10:36 AM
 Hey babies, ATIQA SUBABY here.
Basically, I would like to inform every single one of you that babygirls are back.
So, fcuk you.
Try separating us, we'll separate you from us.
Bitch about us, we'll bitch about you back.
Don't try to act nice in front of us when you're not.
Just stop your drama.
I think I act better than you do.
So, back off.
I love my babygirls and they're forever in my heart.
Sorry to say you're not in my heart but you're in my asshole.
Ooopps.
If you think you can be the best bitch, then prove to me baby.
If not, shut your stupid mouth.
Therefore, babygirls are back together as one!
Alrights, XOXO.
I LOVE ILLA SYAKILAH BTE MOHD YAZID~
Labels: baby?, forgive me
Written on Monday, March 22, 2010 @ 8:11 PM
Okay. Maybe I was too ego to not hear the complete story. But you guys should have listened to ours instead of assuming too right? After much thought, it wasn't any of our faults. We didn't mean anything we said, you know that. And yeah, we know you won't do such a thing too. C'mon, we have to trust each other and not get easily convinced by those bitches. Okay, to be specific.. That bitch. It was her fault. Nothing of these would have happened if she was wise enough to keep her stinky mouth shut. But you know, being a sober, she couldn't stop backstabbing others to befriend with others. Some people don't really deserve a chance. Like seriously. You never changed babe. Since Sec 1. You never changed.
Okay so, today's cheerleading practice was awesome! Okaylah, drastic change, great improvement. I like! The choreography was yellow-tastic and hopefully, with the team spirit, confidence and enthusiasm.. we can achieve the best cheer group. Yay! Exclusive uh yellow house. You know I love you guys. So don't let the ex-cos down okay, dear ones? (:
Countdown to East Spring Olympics: 3 more days!
Ready? Okay! Hehe. Ya so today, spent the morning with the chinese guys and Fadick at the back of the class. Shared awesome stories and sad ones too): It's okay dude, you still have hope. Haha. Unlike me laa ehh. Okay so Fadick couldn't stop re-enacting the part where we had to close our eyes during workshop. Iman was cool! ^^ Haha. Ni macam baru gerek. Hehe. Okay so, I think that's about it. I skipped F&N Academic Support Program without getting caught. Baik uh Illa! Haha. Mdm Humaiyah's haunting me. -.-
Written on Sunday, March 21, 2010 @ 1:59 AM
I find this freaking funny. Haha. Okay, whatever. Today, as in not according to time, I finally realised that I have been making a fool out of myself. I mean, hopeless. I spent months wasting my time for nothing. With patience and loyalty and all I get in return is heart pain. And really. I think Shaf has a point when she said, "No point keeping messages". He doesn't even care if I cared about him. So what's the point? True? So true.
So wherever you are, I hope you're happy cause I'm not gonna bug you anymore. Last long.
And really, if you wanna play with fire, I can. Cause I am not even frightened sampaikan nak share dengan smer orang problem kite so that people will support your side of the story. Pathetic much? Haha. Whatever la. I still can't forget about everything though ): SO FUCKING HARD! ):
Written on Friday, March 19, 2010 @ 8:35 PM
 Hehe. I look like Anastasia's (Cinderella's step sister) cat. So fat. Kening maintain, sis. Haha!  This one reminds me of the smiling blue cat in Alice in the Wonderland. HAHA!  This one reminds me of one of my friend's friend. I don't wanna say who. Like bastard later. Heh.
I don't feel happy or sad. I think I feel crazy today :D Something's making me crazy and I just don't know what is it that makes me crazy. Anyhoos, many thanks to Shafiqa, Effah, Efan, Mad & Andrew for making my day today. <3
2:04 PM
Oh man. Somebody thinks I was born yesterday! Wow, I check my eyes? THINK AGAIN. You check your eyes. And maybe you should try going thru what you said. Definitely, that'll help. You improve, not us. We certainly had no problems with you. Read your blog and see whos finding the problem now aye? And yeah, stop twisting your words. I bet you're going to say this when you're reading it, "Sejak bile aku belit2 cerita sia? Kiwak." Well, truth is you are. And there you go saying you know what you are doing. Let me tell you this, NO. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING.
Have you ever wondered why I said the fuck? Hoho. Figure it out yourself. From the way you sound, I know that your twisting your words. Really. Maybe because your TOO kind that's why you SUB-CONSCIOUSLY became a puppet. Angry with the two of us? I fucking went to the airport laa. NOW I AM GOING TO SAY THIS BACK TO YOU. I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING AT THAT TIME. OKAY!? So whos fault is it now huh? Pretty cool huh!??!?!?!?
You know what, no point saying everything now. We definitely know we weren't the one who started the fire. So clean up your mess. Okay? You read your blog. Then you'll know why I said that.
Written on Thursday, March 18, 2010 @ 9:34 PM
And you guys were saying we were keeping things away from you. So what did we miss? Ok wait, I know this. A lot. You claimed she was the one who was there for you. Obviously. Ok fine, maybe you weren't conscious about this but it's okay, I'm telling you what happened now. Each time we asked you what's going on when you pull the long face, you'd just keep quiet or shake your head. So was it OUR fault? I don't think so.
Ok so yeah, we said you were being the puppet. Turns out right, right? Well, you wanted us to be straightforward right? So no harm telling you the truth. You wanna know what we ever talked about you? THAT'S ALL. If you freaking think you wanna fuck us (the rest) then suits yourself. Cause I'm never fucking you back because you're my friend. You know, I'm really really disappointed in you. A 4 year friendship, just going down the drain. And we clearly know it wasn't our faults. Maybe to you it was. But whatever since you couldn't care less about us, fuckers.
And you. You know who you. I'm keeping you low because I have respect for you. And you should have the same thing for me. I don't care if you're so fly or whatever they call it. I don't care if you're the eye candy to every guy. But let me tell you one thing I care, your attitude. And it sucks. Maybe you said you were tryna bring something good out of a person by being sarcastic. Well, that's pure crap. Nobody does that. That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my 15 years of living. Now let me ask you, you like it when we do it to you? I believe not. And really, do you think when the two animals were being sarcastic to you, they cared for you? Definitely not. So don't use that as a reason.
If you say Shafiqa was influenced by someone because she wasn't her well, I'm sorry but you're certainly not her true friend. She has been feeling that way since forever just that we freaking cared so much about how you'd feel that we decided to zip it. You once said that I didn't stand up for you when they talked bad about you. Eh, what do you know? You weren't there to hear or witness anything! So can I say I'm standing for my rights now? Oh yes I can.
You don't have a friend's best interest at heart. You didn't know what I feel about you being close to ____. And you didn't notice me throwing hints that I didn't like you making friends with _____. I am disappointed in you too. You fucking used me. And sorry that word HAD to come out. Many times, I tried to put you first before me because I really cared. It was such a pity seeing you being disgraced by those animals. But again, you were the one who didn't stand up for me. So what if you were sad? So what if you were angry? If I can, you can. Still, you sat there with them and talked about how stupid I was to trust those animals. What would I feel? Ever thought of that? I just felt that you were going to treasure me and be my good friend. But you proved me wrong. YOU proved me wrong.
You are afraid. Yes, you are. You are afraid to leave us. You're not gonna miss us later on or have a hard time trying to forget the memories we all shared. You're just freaking afraid to go solo. Put your ego aside and tell us the truth. There was no need to say that you could go solo in school. Really. And you said that they could just take you back in. What the fuck are you tryna say? So what now? Are you using us? It was like telling us that you were afraid to go solo that was why you chose to get close with us! And now, when we're having a problem, you said they could accept you back. Explain babe.
You know, if I were to go on, this won't stop. I'm just gonna stop talking about you. And up to you if you wanna accept this or not. But let me remind you. You chose to leave, so be it. Don't try to be all goody two shoes so that people will sympathise you. It doesn't work anymore. You get what you say. Peace.
Now, I'm not saying that nothing is my fault and I have never backstabbed any of you. I admit I did. And I'm sorry.
Effah & Hidayah: I just hated the fact that you guys look so snobbish and bratty. And you looked as if you didn't like us being around you. But heck, that was the past. We're fine now, aren't we?
Noura: I didn't really talk about you. In fact, I already told you what I talked about you. Another thing is, I know you're up to the "I only want a boyfriend at 18" but you know, sometimes, love comes and you just can't stop it. So yeah. That's about it.
Nazrah: I guess you know what I'm gonna say. Maybe you should just chill out and not take anything seriously. And really, you should try understanding what a person would feel. I mean, you did but try harder babe. And your tone, keep it soft and steady. Don't be too harsh *winks* I love you.
Shafiqa: Oh this one. This one I hate most. Hehe, babe. As far as I could remember, I didn't talk about you. (: I love you too and please don't ever forget to love me back, twinnie. *kiss*
Yanti & Fateha: HAHA! How can I talk about them? They're so quiet when it comes to these things. Chill babes, I'm totally fine with you guys. Hee.
Adilah: Speechless babe. You never changed. Keep up the show. 3 words definitely; I hate you.
So I guess, good things never last aye? Too much of everything can make you sick, the saying goes. I guess I'm sick now. Peace - again.
10:32 AM
One month!? Fuck, that would be impossible! I'm not an expert on that okay. This is my first time stealing someone back. Hah! I'm so evil.
So yesterday reached home at 8pm. Fadick walked me home. Aww. Many stupid things came out of my mouth and his mouth! Okay, maybe his was more nonsense. Haha. And he say I walk fast. Oh my, he's the first. So finally, my holidays are holidays. Wait no, it's not. I've got research to edit. And some homeworks to complete. That makes it no holiday D:
Okay when I got back home, Fadick said that he was still on the market and I wasn't his girlfriend. So I tweeted back to him. I said, "Wth Fadick? Why would people even think we're in a relationship!?" And he said that when he went online, many people asked if we were attached and they said we make a sweet couple. Oh my Prada! That's sooo 2008. Like seriously -.-
GUESS WHAT!? I HAD A NIGHTMARE/DREAM. I FOUGHT WITH ABANG. AND HE SPRAYED WATER AT ME. AND THAT DREAM CONSIST OF ABANG (DUH-.-), FADICK, SHAFIQA AND ------. FREAKY RIGHT?
Many things happened between the girls yesterday and I think shan't elaborate any further. But Dr Ernest Wong, Ken & Peter. They were great people I tell you. No wonder Adam Khoo's so successful today. Actually, I have nothing much to say. Nothing interesting. Notice me starting every post with the same topic. Haha! So if I continue, I think it would be all about him. Hehe.
PS: I'm sick.
Written on Tuesday, March 16, 2010 @ 9:03 PM
And I got back around 7.15pm? To tired to slack around, I guess. Got an unexpected text message from W. I've accomplished my task of telling my mom I love her so much and she's my everything no matter what. I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
Today, I did a lot. I cried in the morning because of something. I fell asleep with my eyes wide open. I learnt the value of life. I sang my heart out. I cried again. And I managed to convince myself that if I work towards something and believe I can do it or get hold of it again, it can and will happen. Furthermore, I've have taken the challenge from Adilah and I will prove her that I can get what I want.
I feel tired today. Real tired. Sending off grandparents to Hongkong tomorrow morning after Subuh. Then maybe getting myself a mac breakfast. Hehe. Shit laa, I am so fucking restless! Ergh. And babygirls, let's not forget to combine forces tonight and pray that ______ will ______ with ______. Hehe. Yay!
Written on Monday, March 15, 2010 @ 3:49 AM
Okay, so I didn't watch movies but read my whole of last year's updates. I had a great laugh and of course some drops of tears.
I miss you fetching me from home. I miss you holding my hand. I miss you giving me morning kisses every day. I miss going to school with you. I miss you pampering me. I miss you being concerned about me. I miss you trying to cheer me up no matter how sad I am. I miss you making me laugh. I miss your nonsense. I miss your eyes. I miss your smile. I miss your laugh. I miss being jealous. I miss your hugs and kisses. I miss getting angry about you. I miss texting only you. I miss seeing you get high for nothing. I miss getting breathless whenever I see you. I miss getting the sweetest of things from you. I miss messing your hair around. I miss "block-catching" with you. I miss wearing your specy. I miss your drawings. I miss your smell. I miss how much I always feel stupid when I do something weird. I miss you teasing me. I miss taking pictures with you. I miss taking your phone away from you for spot check and end up I got myself smiling because all I see was my name and my face, everywhere. I miss you, ____________.
I always thought I needed time on my own. And I'm so stupid to only realise that now that I needed you most. I seriously can't imagine her getting all of it instead of me. Fuck fuck. Illa, accept the fact la please!
*sings keep forgetting to forget about you*
2:24 AM
Okay, I just found out another very interesting thing! Not. Remember when I said I found out about something very heart breaking and it was about him moving on so fast? It was on the EIGHT of February. Another sad thing ):
I know this information is so whatever but I just feel like sharing. I keep on hearing the song Keep Forgetting to Forget About You by Jojo and get so sad whenever I hear it. I can't stop singing along to that song. Sedang berjiwang la katekan.
1:45 AM
It's 2 in the morning and I'm not asleep. I got back home at around 12.15am and I'm still fresh. I've got a motivational workshop to attend tomorrow and you know how lazy I can be right? Gooooddd, might as well they don't fix a holiday. Tons of homeworks to finish up. Courseworks to handle. Fun? Hehe. And all sorts. So fatiguing. Oklah, homeworks are now lesser cause I've done most of it :D
Yesterday night after the post, something terrible happened. Yeah. But it's all settled now. Yeah. I don't know why I can't stop saying the word yeah but yeah, whatever. I have nothing to say for today. Again, I've been pressurised. What else if not about Maths? It's killing me! Yeaaaah D:
You know, sometimes my only wish is so that whatever I said will come true. Like, how nice if he were to be mine and it happens. Or or, I prefer the old him, come back ): and baaaam! it happens. Yeah, if only. I think I'd be the happiest kid alive if that happens. I cannot sleep, as usual. I think I wanna watch some Indonesian movies. Hehe. Good night babyloves.
Written on Sunday, March 14, 2010 @ 3:18 AM
Kay let's get the facts right. Our cheerleaders never use anybody's dance move. NEVER. We choreograph our own steps and please, kita tak seteruk gitu sampai nak copy2 ni smer. We have sportsmanship. Yeah, that's the word. Menang kalah, tak heran ehh. Asal kan effort ade da cukop bagos. Sorry if I sound mean, but you guys should know. WE'D NEVER DO THAT. PLEASE.
peace.
1:56 AM
I feel so stucked in nowhere. Many times, I try to move on but to no avail. What the heeeeellllll. It's hard to find a guy with the exact same characteristics as him. As in, he was so patient and understanding. He put up with all my craps. And yeah, loving him makes me feel like I'm in cloud nine.
Some people said I'm going insane by sticking to our memories and not trying to move on. Truth is.. I am moving on. But at the same time holding on to our memories. And let me quote a phrase from this particular song: "just when I think about someone new, I keep on forgetting to forget about you". Yeah, it's hard to let it all go.
Kay whatever. Early in the morning yesterday, mom met up with Ms Liu. The Parent-Teacher Dialogue was supposed to be one to one right? Mr Tan joined in the conversation and they ended up talking about my ambitions -.- I was happy I didn't get bad remarks, though.
Then, Sri Warisan got cancelled. So I met up with Atiqa, Atiqa Didy, Marissa and Shafiqa. I met Shaffy a while at tmart and then headed to 363 to finish up my homework while I can. Then, as usual, Atiqa Didy was late! But when she came, she helped me with my history. And after completing my homeworks, I placed them at the respective teachers' pigeon holes since school was just few steps away. Marissa came and we went to our usual "Marissa, Illa, Atiqa and Atiqa Didy" place. For cheerleading. So I choreographed some steps, Atiqa Didy mixed some songs and voila!
After that, nothing much happened. Headed home, watched Starworld. Then fell asleep, didn't drool. Woke up, watched Starworld again. Then Paris Hilton's new BFF at MTV. I hate Tiniecia. Got annoyed by that old bitch, so switched it off. And here I am.. Listening to songs, singing along, blog hopping and blogging. Now that's multi tasking *winks*
PS: I'm sorry, W ):
Written on Monday, March 8, 2010 @ 2:15 AM
Must it always turn out this way?
I am doing my coursework and trying to edit everything I can. Thank goodness I have an experienced sister. I'm watching Disney Channel: The Replacements, hearing songs and eating Hershey's Chocolate Chips. Now that's multi-tasking.
I'm getting really annoyed by my brother. As in my cousin. Tell you what, anything about Marissa, please don't ask me okay? It's up to her whether she wants you and you have to try to win her heart yourself. You're getting too obsessed. Erk. And btw, I'm not making this up but she's totally in love with her guy. Sorry I indirectly mentioned you but really, I tried to make you "terasa" in many of my posts. But you didn't, so here it is. I'm tired of matchmaking people and in the end, I get the bad lucks. So yeah.
Okay let's get back to the main topic which is, "must it always turn out this way?" I've tried many many things to get you off my mind. And fuck, it's not freaking easy. Maybe what sister said was right. Maybe because I'm still stuck with our memories that's why I feel like I'm still stuck in 2009. I don't know how you got over me and I don't know how you managed to convince yourself to move on with ANOTHER girl but you've got to teach me that.
I contacted many many guys for the pass 7 months and never got into a relationship. Okay maybe I was about to get into a relationship when suddenly I turned them down. Out of all the guys I contacted, I only managed to be serious with two of them. And they should know who they are. One of the two, I just started to contact him a few days back. Okay maybe it's too early to get serious. And to be honest, I do have feelings for him but I'm just not confident to make him my boyfriend. So yeah. But you, you don't seem to be tired of wondering in my mind.
Okay let's just get to the point. To ______, you're not getting in between me and him. Because we have nothing special going on. And furthermore, he's got a girlfriend. So there's nothing to feel guilty about. Hope to get him back? I don't think so. He seems to be happy to be with that another girl. I'm sorry I hide things away from you. I should have told you earlier. And one more thing, you shouldn't be saying sorry to me. I'm glad you're understanding. And.. Don't give up *winks*
Written on Monday, March 1, 2010 @ 1:39 AM
... and bom! He confessed. What am I supposed to do!?
Kay let's do a proper post today. Yes, I'm not asleep. Again, I can't. Last Thursday, some guy asked me to be his girlfriend when he was high. And thank god, I rejected. Or I'd be attached to him by now -.- And that guy is... I won't mention who. Haha. It's funny though.
And on that day too, my class went on a trip to Hort Park at Pasir Panjang. Then as Nazrah, Shafiqa and I were slacking while studying while singing while writing love letters while gossiping, somebody texted me. He got my number from this bird. Haha. But at first he claimed that he got my number from his old number which was nonsense! Only after he confessed to me, he told me the truth. And the question he asked me, was about me and him. He's sweet. But ______'s still in my heart. I'm sorry, it's difficult.
Ok moving on.
Last Friday, I was a happy lady and I'm glad nobody burst my happy bubble. No, there is but whatever. I reached home only at 7.30pm from school and I was damn tired, but as a great BFF to Nazrah, I took the time to teach her some steps nearby our apartments. Reached home at around 11.30pm and got a text from that guy who got my number from the bird, did some work and slept.
Next day, woke up early to accompany mom to withdraw money from MayBank and then to CPF Building to deposit money. After all that, did some shopping at Charles and Keith and decided to breakfast at Sakae Sushi. Sister and I got ourselves bloated and headed to the interchange to take the bus. Along the way, we slept. Hehe. But I left early and didn't get to learn the whole steps for Warisan Seni. ):
After which, I headed for the train to Simei and boarded bus 9 to Tampines East CC for Chingay performance. Yeah, was nervous but heck nobody said anything. Okaylah, no comments huh. Reached home late and texted the same guy and then got fucked up by SBB and WAB and they stole my mood. With the help of my Shaffy baby and Hazir, I got over them and yeah.
*In the process of learning a contemporary dance for Speech day and hip hop dance for cheerleading*
Sunday, did nothing. Went over to Granny's house and ate, ate ate. Now back home, watching MTV Hits while blogging. Justin Bieber's on(:
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Written on Wednesday, March 31, 2010 @ 3:45 AM
I have yet to..1) Sleep 2) Finish my conclusion and comments for changes in food 3) English (too lazy) 4) Charge my phone
I am so so exhausted. Granny was admitted to the hospital due to stroke. I hope she's getting better now, with all the extra love and attention. I love her. Every now and then, my family will come and pay her a visit. So yeah, no more slacking after school. Oklah, maybe for a short while. Hee. [;
What is up with me!? I am losing my focus in my one & only easiest subject to score which is my Food & Nutrition. God! I think I know why. The two annoying teachers simply could not stop picking on me despite me doing my work and minding my own business. Well, they can't be in denial because it's true. Right Shaffy? Right Atiqa? They realised it. But the teachers never realised that I have been putting up with all those shits. And one more thing, put yourself in my shoes. Nenek kau masuk hospital, tipu uh kau tknk visit dher hari2! You ask me to not be rude but you never think of my feelings. What the fk?
I am starting to like Maths. Ergh, whatever. That's because I've been paying attention in class and I get to answer all questions correctly. Let's just wait for the moment when suddenly Ms Tay absent herself and then I become lazy or I don't understand a single thing she said.
You guys must be wondering, why the hell is she complaining about her incomplete tasks but still have the cheeks to update her blog? Firstly, it's been a while since I last updated my blog. Secondly, I totally give up on my research. At least I did 98% of it!
Last Monday, spent the night with Fadhli, Marissa and Atiqa. Haha. It was fun! We confessed many many things and one of it was about the class. I love my class man! Like, seriously. Despite our craps, I love them. And guys, you all can't blame Abby and clans for disturbing the class. Sometimes, you guys disrupt the lessons too. And don't you realise? Without them, the class wouldn't be as united as we are now. And without hem, the lessons won't be as lively.
I'm still in love with the same guy. Is that good or bad? When are you gonna come back and hold my hand like you used too, asshole!? When are you gonna love me like last time? When? The day I die right in front of you? Tell me, when? ):
And it's not easy moving on without you. It's fucking not easy. Especially when we see each other like almost everyday and suddenly I get so worried when I don't see you. Let me be desperate at least for now, I WANT YOU!
Okay, I'm done being desperate.
Nights.
Written on Sunday, March 28, 2010 @ 2:28 AM
HAHAHA. THIS IS GETTING FUNNIER.Let's just hope it won't come true.
Written on Wednesday, March 24, 2010 @ 10:36 AM
Hey babies, ATIQA SUBABY here.
Basically, I would like to inform every single one of you that babygirls are back.
So, fcuk you.
Try separating us, we'll separate you from us.
Bitch about us, we'll bitch about you back.
Don't try to act nice in front of us when you're not.
Just stop your drama.
I think I act better than you do.
So, back off.
I love my babygirls and they're forever in my heart.
Sorry to say you're not in my heart but you're in my asshole.
Ooopps.
If you think you can be the best bitch, then prove to me baby.
If not, shut your stupid mouth.
Therefore, babygirls are back together as one!
Alrights, XOXO.
I LOVE ILLA SYAKILAH BTE MOHD YAZID~
Labels: baby?, forgive me
Written on Monday, March 22, 2010 @ 8:11 PM
Okay. Maybe I was too ego to not hear the complete story. But you guys should have listened to ours instead of assuming too right? After much thought, it wasn't any of our faults. We didn't mean anything we said, you know that. And yeah, we know you won't do such a thing too. C'mon, we have to trust each other and not get easily convinced by those bitches. Okay, to be specific.. That bitch. It was her fault. Nothing of these would have happened if she was wise enough to keep her stinky mouth shut. But you know, being a sober, she couldn't stop backstabbing others to befriend with others. Some people don't really deserve a chance. Like seriously. You never changed babe. Since Sec 1. You never changed.
Okay so, today's cheerleading practice was awesome! Okaylah, drastic change, great improvement. I like! The choreography was yellow-tastic and hopefully, with the team spirit, confidence and enthusiasm.. we can achieve the best cheer group. Yay! Exclusive uh yellow house. You know I love you guys. So don't let the ex-cos down okay, dear ones? (:
Countdown to East Spring Olympics: 3 more days!
Ready? Okay! Hehe. Ya so today, spent the morning with the chinese guys and Fadick at the back of the class. Shared awesome stories and sad ones too): It's okay dude, you still have hope. Haha. Unlike me laa ehh. Okay so Fadick couldn't stop re-enacting the part where we had to close our eyes during workshop. Iman was cool! ^^ Haha. Ni macam baru gerek. Hehe. Okay so, I think that's about it. I skipped F&N Academic Support Program without getting caught. Baik uh Illa! Haha. Mdm Humaiyah's haunting me. -.-
Written on Sunday, March 21, 2010 @ 1:59 AM
I find this freaking funny. Haha. Okay, whatever. Today, as in not according to time, I finally realised that I have been making a fool out of myself. I mean, hopeless. I spent months wasting my time for nothing. With patience and loyalty and all I get in return is heart pain. And really. I think Shaf has a point when she said, "No point keeping messages". He doesn't even care if I cared about him. So what's the point? True? So true.
So wherever you are, I hope you're happy cause I'm not gonna bug you anymore. Last long.
And really, if you wanna play with fire, I can. Cause I am not even frightened sampaikan nak share dengan smer orang problem kite so that people will support your side of the story. Pathetic much? Haha. Whatever la. I still can't forget about everything though ): SO FUCKING HARD! ):
Written on Friday, March 19, 2010 @ 8:35 PM
Hehe. I look like Anastasia's (Cinderella's step sister) cat. So fat. Kening maintain, sis. Haha! This one reminds me of the smiling blue cat in Alice in the Wonderland. HAHA! This one reminds me of one of my friend's friend. I don't wanna say who. Like bastard later. Heh.
I don't feel happy or sad. I think I feel crazy today :D Something's making me crazy and I just don't know what is it that makes me crazy. Anyhoos, many thanks to Shafiqa, Effah, Efan, Mad & Andrew for making my day today. <3
2:04 PM
Oh man. Somebody thinks I was born yesterday! Wow, I check my eyes? THINK AGAIN. You check your eyes. And maybe you should try going thru what you said. Definitely, that'll help. You improve, not us. We certainly had no problems with you. Read your blog and see whos finding the problem now aye? And yeah, stop twisting your words. I bet you're going to say this when you're reading it, "Sejak bile aku belit2 cerita sia? Kiwak." Well, truth is you are. And there you go saying you know what you are doing. Let me tell you this, NO. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING.
Have you ever wondered why I said the fuck? Hoho. Figure it out yourself. From the way you sound, I know that your twisting your words. Really. Maybe because your TOO kind that's why you SUB-CONSCIOUSLY became a puppet. Angry with the two of us? I fucking went to the airport laa. NOW I AM GOING TO SAY THIS BACK TO YOU. I KNOW WHAT I AM DOING AT THAT TIME. OKAY!? So whos fault is it now huh? Pretty cool huh!??!?!?!?
You know what, no point saying everything now. We definitely know we weren't the one who started the fire. So clean up your mess. Okay? You read your blog. Then you'll know why I said that.
Written on Thursday, March 18, 2010 @ 9:34 PM
And you guys were saying we were keeping things away from you. So what did we miss? Ok wait, I know this. A lot. You claimed she was the one who was there for you. Obviously. Ok fine, maybe you weren't conscious about this but it's okay, I'm telling you what happened now. Each time we asked you what's going on when you pull the long face, you'd just keep quiet or shake your head. So was it OUR fault? I don't think so.
Ok so yeah, we said you were being the puppet. Turns out right, right? Well, you wanted us to be straightforward right? So no harm telling you the truth. You wanna know what we ever talked about you? THAT'S ALL. If you freaking think you wanna fuck us (the rest) then suits yourself. Cause I'm never fucking you back because you're my friend. You know, I'm really really disappointed in you. A 4 year friendship, just going down the drain. And we clearly know it wasn't our faults. Maybe to you it was. But whatever since you couldn't care less about us, fuckers.
And you. You know who you. I'm keeping you low because I have respect for you. And you should have the same thing for me. I don't care if you're so fly or whatever they call it. I don't care if you're the eye candy to every guy. But let me tell you one thing I care, your attitude. And it sucks. Maybe you said you were tryna bring something good out of a person by being sarcastic. Well, that's pure crap. Nobody does that. That's the stupidest thing I have ever heard in my 15 years of living. Now let me ask you, you like it when we do it to you? I believe not. And really, do you think when the two animals were being sarcastic to you, they cared for you? Definitely not. So don't use that as a reason.
If you say Shafiqa was influenced by someone because she wasn't her well, I'm sorry but you're certainly not her true friend. She has been feeling that way since forever just that we freaking cared so much about how you'd feel that we decided to zip it. You once said that I didn't stand up for you when they talked bad about you. Eh, what do you know? You weren't there to hear or witness anything! So can I say I'm standing for my rights now? Oh yes I can.
You don't have a friend's best interest at heart. You didn't know what I feel about you being close to ____. And you didn't notice me throwing hints that I didn't like you making friends with _____. I am disappointed in you too. You fucking used me. And sorry that word HAD to come out. Many times, I tried to put you first before me because I really cared. It was such a pity seeing you being disgraced by those animals. But again, you were the one who didn't stand up for me. So what if you were sad? So what if you were angry? If I can, you can. Still, you sat there with them and talked about how stupid I was to trust those animals. What would I feel? Ever thought of that? I just felt that you were going to treasure me and be my good friend. But you proved me wrong. YOU proved me wrong.
You are afraid. Yes, you are. You are afraid to leave us. You're not gonna miss us later on or have a hard time trying to forget the memories we all shared. You're just freaking afraid to go solo. Put your ego aside and tell us the truth. There was no need to say that you could go solo in school. Really. And you said that they could just take you back in. What the fuck are you tryna say? So what now? Are you using us? It was like telling us that you were afraid to go solo that was why you chose to get close with us! And now, when we're having a problem, you said they could accept you back. Explain babe.
You know, if I were to go on, this won't stop. I'm just gonna stop talking about you. And up to you if you wanna accept this or not. But let me remind you. You chose to leave, so be it. Don't try to be all goody two shoes so that people will sympathise you. It doesn't work anymore. You get what you say. Peace.
Now, I'm not saying that nothing is my fault and I have never backstabbed any of you. I admit I did. And I'm sorry.
Effah & Hidayah: I just hated the fact that you guys look so snobbish and bratty. And you looked as if you didn't like us being around you. But heck, that was the past. We're fine now, aren't we?
Noura: I didn't really talk about you. In fact, I already told you what I talked about you. Another thing is, I know you're up to the "I only want a boyfriend at 18" but you know, sometimes, love comes and you just can't stop it. So yeah. That's about it.
Nazrah: I guess you know what I'm gonna say. Maybe you should just chill out and not take anything seriously. And really, you should try understanding what a person would feel. I mean, you did but try harder babe. And your tone, keep it soft and steady. Don't be too harsh *winks* I love you.
Shafiqa: Oh this one. This one I hate most. Hehe, babe. As far as I could remember, I didn't talk about you. (: I love you too and please don't ever forget to love me back, twinnie. *kiss*
Yanti & Fateha: HAHA! How can I talk about them? They're so quiet when it comes to these things. Chill babes, I'm totally fine with you guys. Hee.
Adilah: Speechless babe. You never changed. Keep up the show. 3 words definitely; I hate you.
So I guess, good things never last aye? Too much of everything can make you sick, the saying goes. I guess I'm sick now. Peace - again.
10:32 AM
One month!? Fuck, that would be impossible! I'm not an expert on that okay. This is my first time stealing someone back. Hah! I'm so evil.
So yesterday reached home at 8pm. Fadick walked me home. Aww. Many stupid things came out of my mouth and his mouth! Okay, maybe his was more nonsense. Haha. And he say I walk fast. Oh my, he's the first. So finally, my holidays are holidays. Wait no, it's not. I've got research to edit. And some homeworks to complete. That makes it no holiday D:
Okay when I got back home, Fadick said that he was still on the market and I wasn't his girlfriend. So I tweeted back to him. I said, "Wth Fadick? Why would people even think we're in a relationship!?" And he said that when he went online, many people asked if we were attached and they said we make a sweet couple. Oh my Prada! That's sooo 2008. Like seriously -.-
GUESS WHAT!? I HAD A NIGHTMARE/DREAM. I FOUGHT WITH ABANG. AND HE SPRAYED WATER AT ME. AND THAT DREAM CONSIST OF ABANG (DUH-.-), FADICK, SHAFIQA AND ------. FREAKY RIGHT?
Many things happened between the girls yesterday and I think shan't elaborate any further. But Dr Ernest Wong, Ken & Peter. They were great people I tell you. No wonder Adam Khoo's so successful today. Actually, I have nothing much to say. Nothing interesting. Notice me starting every post with the same topic. Haha! So if I continue, I think it would be all about him. Hehe.
PS: I'm sick.
Written on Tuesday, March 16, 2010 @ 9:03 PM
And I got back around 7.15pm? To tired to slack around, I guess. Got an unexpected text message from W. I've accomplished my task of telling my mom I love her so much and she's my everything no matter what. I gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.
Today, I did a lot. I cried in the morning because of something. I fell asleep with my eyes wide open. I learnt the value of life. I sang my heart out. I cried again. And I managed to convince myself that if I work towards something and believe I can do it or get hold of it again, it can and will happen. Furthermore, I've have taken the challenge from Adilah and I will prove her that I can get what I want.
I feel tired today. Real tired. Sending off grandparents to Hongkong tomorrow morning after Subuh. Then maybe getting myself a mac breakfast. Hehe. Shit laa, I am so fucking restless! Ergh. And babygirls, let's not forget to combine forces tonight and pray that ______ will ______ with ______. Hehe. Yay!
Written on Monday, March 15, 2010 @ 3:49 AM
Okay, so I didn't watch movies but read my whole of last year's updates. I had a great laugh and of course some drops of tears.
I miss you fetching me from home. I miss you holding my hand. I miss you giving me morning kisses every day. I miss going to school with you. I miss you pampering me. I miss you being concerned about me. I miss you trying to cheer me up no matter how sad I am. I miss you making me laugh. I miss your nonsense. I miss your eyes. I miss your smile. I miss your laugh. I miss being jealous. I miss your hugs and kisses. I miss getting angry about you. I miss texting only you. I miss seeing you get high for nothing. I miss getting breathless whenever I see you. I miss getting the sweetest of things from you. I miss messing your hair around. I miss "block-catching" with you. I miss wearing your specy. I miss your drawings. I miss your smell. I miss how much I always feel stupid when I do something weird. I miss you teasing me. I miss taking pictures with you. I miss taking your phone away from you for spot check and end up I got myself smiling because all I see was my name and my face, everywhere. I miss you, ____________.
I always thought I needed time on my own. And I'm so stupid to only realise that now that I needed you most. I seriously can't imagine her getting all of it instead of me. Fuck fuck. Illa, accept the fact la please!
*sings keep forgetting to forget about you*
2:24 AM
Okay, I just found out another very interesting thing! Not. Remember when I said I found out about something very heart breaking and it was about him moving on so fast? It was on the EIGHT of February. Another sad thing ):
I know this information is so whatever but I just feel like sharing. I keep on hearing the song Keep Forgetting to Forget About You by Jojo and get so sad whenever I hear it. I can't stop singing along to that song. Sedang berjiwang la katekan.
1:45 AM
It's 2 in the morning and I'm not asleep. I got back home at around 12.15am and I'm still fresh. I've got a motivational workshop to attend tomorrow and you know how lazy I can be right? Gooooddd, might as well they don't fix a holiday. Tons of homeworks to finish up. Courseworks to handle. Fun? Hehe. And all sorts. So fatiguing. Oklah, homeworks are now lesser cause I've done most of it :D
Yesterday night after the post, something terrible happened. Yeah. But it's all settled now. Yeah. I don't know why I can't stop saying the word yeah but yeah, whatever. I have nothing to say for today. Again, I've been pressurised. What else if not about Maths? It's killing me! Yeaaaah D:
You know, sometimes my only wish is so that whatever I said will come true. Like, how nice if he were to be mine and it happens. Or or, I prefer the old him, come back ): and baaaam! it happens. Yeah, if only. I think I'd be the happiest kid alive if that happens. I cannot sleep, as usual. I think I wanna watch some Indonesian movies. Hehe. Good night babyloves.
Written on Sunday, March 14, 2010 @ 3:18 AM
Kay let's get the facts right. Our cheerleaders never use anybody's dance move. NEVER. We choreograph our own steps and please, kita tak seteruk gitu sampai nak copy2 ni smer. We have sportsmanship. Yeah, that's the word. Menang kalah, tak heran ehh. Asal kan effort ade da cukop bagos. Sorry if I sound mean, but you guys should know. WE'D NEVER DO THAT. PLEASE.
peace.
1:56 AM
I feel so stucked in nowhere. Many times, I try to move on but to no avail. What the heeeeellllll. It's hard to find a guy with the exact same characteristics as him. As in, he was so patient and understanding. He put up with all my craps. And yeah, loving him makes me feel like I'm in cloud nine.
Some people said I'm going insane by sticking to our memories and not trying to move on. Truth is.. I am moving on. But at the same time holding on to our memories. And let me quote a phrase from this particular song: "just when I think about someone new, I keep on forgetting to forget about you". Yeah, it's hard to let it all go.
Kay whatever. Early in the morning yesterday, mom met up with Ms Liu. The Parent-Teacher Dialogue was supposed to be one to one right? Mr Tan joined in the conversation and they ended up talking about my ambitions -.- I was happy I didn't get bad remarks, though.
Then, Sri Warisan got cancelled. So I met up with Atiqa, Atiqa Didy, Marissa and Shafiqa. I met Shaffy a while at tmart and then headed to 363 to finish up my homework while I can. Then, as usual, Atiqa Didy was late! But when she came, she helped me with my history. And after completing my homeworks, I placed them at the respective teachers' pigeon holes since school was just few steps away. Marissa came and we went to our usual "Marissa, Illa, Atiqa and Atiqa Didy" place. For cheerleading. So I choreographed some steps, Atiqa Didy mixed some songs and voila!
After that, nothing much happened. Headed home, watched Starworld. Then fell asleep, didn't drool. Woke up, watched Starworld again. Then Paris Hilton's new BFF at MTV. I hate Tiniecia. Got annoyed by that old bitch, so switched it off. And here I am.. Listening to songs, singing along, blog hopping and blogging. Now that's multi tasking *winks*
PS: I'm sorry, W ):
Written on Monday, March 8, 2010 @ 2:15 AM
Must it always turn out this way?
I am doing my coursework and trying to edit everything I can. Thank goodness I have an experienced sister. I'm watching Disney Channel: The Replacements, hearing songs and eating Hershey's Chocolate Chips. Now that's multi-tasking.
I'm getting really annoyed by my brother. As in my cousin. Tell you what, anything about Marissa, please don't ask me okay? It's up to her whether she wants you and you have to try to win her heart yourself. You're getting too obsessed. Erk. And btw, I'm not making this up but she's totally in love with her guy. Sorry I indirectly mentioned you but really, I tried to make you "terasa" in many of my posts. But you didn't, so here it is. I'm tired of matchmaking people and in the end, I get the bad lucks. So yeah.
Okay let's get back to the main topic which is, "must it always turn out this way?" I've tried many many things to get you off my mind. And fuck, it's not freaking easy. Maybe what sister said was right. Maybe because I'm still stuck with our memories that's why I feel like I'm still stuck in 2009. I don't know how you got over me and I don't know how you managed to convince yourself to move on with ANOTHER girl but you've got to teach me that.
I contacted many many guys for the pass 7 months and never got into a relationship. Okay maybe I was about to get into a relationship when suddenly I turned them down. Out of all the guys I contacted, I only managed to be serious with two of them. And they should know who they are. One of the two, I just started to contact him a few days back. Okay maybe it's too early to get serious. And to be honest, I do have feelings for him but I'm just not confident to make him my boyfriend. So yeah. But you, you don't seem to be tired of wondering in my mind.
Okay let's just get to the point. To ______, you're not getting in between me and him. Because we have nothing special going on. And furthermore, he's got a girlfriend. So there's nothing to feel guilty about. Hope to get him back? I don't think so. He seems to be happy to be with that another girl. I'm sorry I hide things away from you. I should have told you earlier. And one more thing, you shouldn't be saying sorry to me. I'm glad you're understanding. And.. Don't give up *winks*
Written on Monday, March 1, 2010 @ 1:39 AM
... and bom! He confessed. What am I supposed to do!?
Kay let's do a proper post today. Yes, I'm not asleep. Again, I can't. Last Thursday, some guy asked me to be his girlfriend when he was high. And thank god, I rejected. Or I'd be attached to him by now -.- And that guy is... I won't mention who. Haha. It's funny though.
And on that day too, my class went on a trip to Hort Park at Pasir Panjang. Then as Nazrah, Shafiqa and I were slacking while studying while singing while writing love letters while gossiping, somebody texted me. He got my number from this bird. Haha. But at first he claimed that he got my number from his old number which was nonsense! Only after he confessed to me, he told me the truth. And the question he asked me, was about me and him. He's sweet. But ______'s still in my heart. I'm sorry, it's difficult.
Ok moving on.
Last Friday, I was a happy lady and I'm glad nobody burst my happy bubble. No, there is but whatever. I reached home only at 7.30pm from school and I was damn tired, but as a great BFF to Nazrah, I took the time to teach her some steps nearby our apartments. Reached home at around 11.30pm and got a text from that guy who got my number from the bird, did some work and slept.
Next day, woke up early to accompany mom to withdraw money from MayBank and then to CPF Building to deposit money. After all that, did some shopping at Charles and Keith and decided to breakfast at Sakae Sushi. Sister and I got ourselves bloated and headed to the interchange to take the bus. Along the way, we slept. Hehe. But I left early and didn't get to learn the whole steps for Warisan Seni. ):
After which, I headed for the train to Simei and boarded bus 9 to Tampines East CC for Chingay performance. Yeah, was nervous but heck nobody said anything. Okaylah, no comments huh. Reached home late and texted the same guy and then got fucked up by SBB and WAB and they stole my mood. With the help of my Shaffy baby and Hazir, I got over them and yeah.
*In the process of learning a contemporary dance for Speech day and hip hop dance for cheerleading*
Sunday, did nothing. Went over to Granny's house and ate, ate ate. Now back home, watching MTV Hits while blogging. Justin Bieber's on(:
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In random order.
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Hello human beings. My name is Illa Syakilah and I am not a terrorist.
Hehe. I can't seem to get over that quote since I watched the movie "My name is Khan."
I am coming sixteen this July 25 and I'm seriously not excited.
I'll be sitting for my GCE N Levels this year, and hopefully (very little chance, though) I'll qualify for Sec 5.
Maybe for now, you'll have fun teasing me but keep in mind that everyone has limits. And don't ever think of going over mine.
I am single and I don't wish to be unavailable because I believe that love comes naturally when it's the right time.
Honestly, since the last time I ever got into a relationship, I realised that I'm kinda lethargic when it comes to love but whatever.
The right one will fall not only for my perfection but also my flaws, right? Yeah :D
My interest lies in Performing Arts. I have been dancing for close to 10 years and damn it, I want to learn more!
When I'm feeling down or high, this is basically what I'd do. Just that when I'm down, I don't do it in public.
I dance for Purbanira Seni (my school Malay Dance troupe) and Sri Warisan Som Said Performing Arts Ltd.
I'm not a professional YET. But one day, I'll be an awesome one. Yes ah! I have yet to cover contemporary and such. Heh.
I get dance routines from boredom or imagination. I'd literally think of steps in my head and when I'm done, I'd work it out with my body.
Sometimes, I'd dance randomly and I'll get steps. Basically, I love everything that has got to do with Performing Arts.
I miss Indian dancing when I was in Kindergarten. Oh, that makes it 11 years of dancing! Hehe.
I'm not shy to say that my favorite place that has ever existed is.. my bed. I'm not the only one right?
I love to hang out but this year, I kinda find it hard to even make time for my friends! I love Glee. It's so cool.
My favorite boyfriend is Percy Jackson AKA Logan Lerman. Yes! I love him. Haha. Justin Bieber, his voice makes me melt.
Megan Fox, Beyonce, Kara Dioguardi, Kelly Clarkson, Nicole Scherzinger, Jojo, Selena Gomez, Katy Perry, Jessica Alba & more. These are the people who never fail to make me love them.
Thank you for bothering to read, if you actually did, that is.
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Here I am
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx
i promise.
I feel like our world's been infected.
Quick Update ♥
It was almost perfect ):
You still are. And I still am.
Let's just hope he'd read this.
Yes, that's true.
I am very exhausted
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Hey babies, ATIQA SUBABY here.
